A Letter to the Man Whom Fractured My Morning with His Apparel While on My Way to Work
Dear Sir,
I’m assuming you have no idea who I am. How could you be expected to in such an ample world? We were nothing but strangers some-odd hours ago. Unfortunately, you have become a part of my life as of 9:45am this morning.
My outlook on life has changed forever because of YOU. Yes, I realize I am 50% at fault for leaving my home this morning but I hold you personally responsible for merely existing. Responsible for every second I spent acknowledging your cursed body sharing an inch of my world, every negative moment of my life I endured since our encounter, and every ounce of energy I spent hating you as hard as I could.
You are every breathing mammal’s worst fear! A man- dare I call you so- who chooses to wear a matching denim Superman embroidered track suit. Out of whatever array of clothes are in your possession, this is what you chose to torment me with you wicked imp? I know there are nightmares such as yourself hovering around every corner but they leave their twisted “Sunday-bests” at home or in the confines of their own shameless skulls. How may I ever trust the streets again?
And there you are, continuing to be selfish. I see you talking on your Bluetooth in that damn Cosi across the street as I write this. You are keeping secrets from your family. Do you think it is helping you? Your career? Just what is your motive exactly?
Let it be known- I will have the last laugh! I am working on my getup constantly and it is becoming stronger every day, in spite of you. I barely even own name-brand designers in my closet anymore. I will get over the damage YOU have caused. In the end when we are old and grey, (and you no longer will own that atrocity of an outfit), you will be a miserable old prick in a loveless marriage while I will be happy.
Don’t forget this, I work eleven addresses down 5th Avenue from you, if I even suspect you to be wearing your beloved superhero biker raiment again in my presence, there will be ill-starred consequences. Have a SUPER day.
Warmest regards,
Brian J. Ariotti
About me
Absurdity is what I like most in life, and there's humor in struggling in ignorance. If you saw a man repeatedly running into a wall until he was a bloody pulp, after a while it would make you laugh because it becomes absurd.
